john appleyard is preparing to die.

A, Jess (1989-09-26)
Aaron, Ross (1981-10-19)
Abbott, Heathurr (1984-03-09)
Ada, Madrina (1991-07-22)
Adair, Ryan (1984-05-27)
Adams, Amy (1992-03-09)
Adams, Heather (1983-10-19)
Adie, Dan (1978-09-29)
Adrianapolis, Sebastapol (1974-05-08)
Agrawal, Sumit (1985-10-03)
Aguilar Roman, Nuria (1978-07-23)
Ahmed, Shah (1984-11-25)
Ainley, Rosa (1959-07-30)
Ainslie, Claire (1982-09-30)
Akerele, Jonathan (1985-06-01)
Al-Saffar, A.Rasool (1973-02-15)
Alderliesten, Puk (1975-01-02)
Aldis, Neil (1973-01-21)
Aldrich, James (1990-05-25)
Alexander, Robbie (1993-04-25)
Allen, Christine (1977-02-10)
Allen, Dave (1972-11-30)
Allison, Stefanie (1974-12-20)
Allman, William [ Bill ] (1954-02-10)
Alto, Cryslyn (1992-05-08)
Ambrodious Von Esling, Loki (1980-02-26)
Amburn, Atera (1981-06-29)
Amerika, S (1799-12-26)
Amit, Ben (1978-06-16)
Anandan, Stephen (1971-07-27)
Anderson, Matt (1982-03-25)
Anderson, Nathaniel (1980-07-01)
Anderton, Giles (1974-06-13)
Andrade, Gabi (1991-05-08)
Andres, Andres (1985-10-10)
Andres, Javier (1989-11-04)
Aniks, Ana (1991-08-14)
Ann, Stacy (1985-07-03)
Annie, Little Orphan (1972-11-07)
Anon., James (1460-08-23)
Anye, Ortigoza (1993-02-02)
Apathetic, Andrea (1992-07-13)
Appleyard, John (0000-00-00)
Arh, Janez (1971-08-18)
Ariel, Candy (1988-12-10)
Armstrong, Mark (1971-10-01)
Arria, Daniel (1992-11-23)
Aryan, Raj (1989-09-07)
Ash, Amanda (1992-05-06)
Asmussen, Jeff (1966-01-22)
Aspen, Håvard (1982-11-20)
Ates, Ozkan (1968-11-16)
Atkinson, Sean (1968-02-15)
Atric, Christi (1976-10-06)
Austin, Cardenia (1978-09-11)
Avendaņo, Eugenia (1975-09-16)
Averbuck, Clarah (1979-05-26)
AVILES CAMPOS, JORGE EDUARDO (1987-07-04)
Axtell, Nick (1979-12-03)
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DISPOSAL
Cremation is the cleanest way of dealing with it. My father was buried and my mother always felt guilty if she didn't go down to the cemetary every week. When I've gone I've gone! Scatter the ashes on Port Erin beach on the Isle of Man.

COFFIN


RELIGION
Religion is what is wrong with the world. Look around you and see where the troubles are. Middle east? Catholics and Protestants? Arabs and Jews? Moslems and Christians? It would be a whole lot better for humanity if it forgot completely about the false conception of God and took responsibility for its own destiny. Of course you should be nice to each other! Do you really expect to get a result in life by throwing punches at people? Or bombs? Judge people by knowing them, in other words, by the content of their character, not the colour of their skin, or any other shit. Give up the idea of God. Start being good for its own sake, and make life worth living for all those people around you while you're still here. Because there's only one dimension after death, and that's nothingness. Too late to buy your wife a bunch of flowers and say sorry when you're pushing up daisies and stinking of rotting flesh then. So if you're going to have a service for me, make it non-religious, use the crematorium, say a few words if you want, get it out of your system, then burn me. The clock is ticking for you too.

GUESTS


MUSIC


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EPITAPH


OBITUARY
I always knew that having money was very important. I knew that you can't take it with you, but that is really irrelevant, innit? If anyone in life ever tells you that the beswt things in life are free, ask them how they plan to get on at the supermarket next time the fridge is empty, and how a couple can stop bickering about money when having nothing is a constant bitch. I made it. I didn't give it away. I even came to live on a tax haven to stop the politicians having a party at my expense. You want to buy a bomb? Buy your own fucking bomb. Did it make me selfish? No. Having money meant I could concentrate on other matters and not worry. This is how I managed to have a successful career in the health service and the travel industry. And being a nurse made me very conscious of the finality of death, and how life should be and can be enjoyed. I was loved, I was admired, and I always payed my bills on time.

OTHER
I request my son Christopher to carry out my instructions.