Ben Bale is preparing to die.

B, Ashe (1984-05-29)
Back, Gabi (1989-10-18)
Backman, Mikaela (1983-02-12)
Baggage, Cam-the- (1975-06-06)
Bags, Penny (1987-10-22)
Bailey, Stacey (1979-08-30)
Bain, AL (1974-01-01)
Baker, Chris (1980-05-02)
Bale, Ben (1984-01-22)
Bale, Ben (1984-01-22)
Bale, Ben (1984-01-22)
Bale, Danny (1989-10-31)
Bale, Gemma (1989-09-27)
Ball, Nigel (1968-07-03)
Baloch, Waheed (1995-07-01)
Banks, Patrick (1983-09-01)
Banner, Wynfred (1981-01-02)
Barbarash, Andrew (1982-08-19)
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Barreca, James (1979-02-07)
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Bates, Megan (1992-07-16)
Baumann, Petra (1971-11-28)
Baylis, Sarah (1972-02-03)
Beacom, John (1964-03-17)
BEALES, JEFF (1966-08-25)
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Becerra, Gabriela (1995-03-24)
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Bounds, Jon (1975-06-30)
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Boyle, William (1983-07-13)
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Brand, Chloe (1980-04-15)
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Burton, Mark (1965-11-28)
Butler, Dave (1975-03-10)
Byrne, David (2009-06-29)
Byrne, Deirdre (1983-03-22)

Right, I don't give a flying fuck what happens to my body after I'm dead. However, if you have the option, give it to art or science. As for burial or cremation, do whatever you want, just make it cool.

Well, I guess you need to put me in something. What I would like is a white coffin, size and shape not important, but I need it to be able to be written on with marker pen. Then at my funeral everyone can write on it, or draw little pictures of stickmen, the choice is their's. Just make sure at least someone does something vaguely funny...

Please, please, please, if you care about me at ALL, don't have any sort of religious ceremony. I want no mention of anything spiritual or religious at my funeral service.

It's highly important that you find everyone I've ever known. All my ex's. All my friends through the ages, get everyone you can. I have always held this fantasy that I actually change people's lives when they meet me. So go ahead, see if it's true.

David Grech, Kate Swansbury & Father Patrick Alsop (my theology teacher at school) (if he's still alive) All have to come.

Nobody is barred.

I've already mentioned what I want during the service under "Humanists."

Dad can read "Do not go gentle into that good night." by Ernest Hemingway. However if he's written something specifically, then he can read his poem and someone else can read gold ol' ernie. If Dad's dead, then whoever is actually any good at public speaking. I dont want someone to fuck up one of the greatest bits of poetry ever written.

Ok, chances are that you've cremated me, so this is going on some little brass plate in the garden or under a tree in the crematorium grounds. So not as impressive as a big stone grave. Either way anything I'd put on it would be misread and misinterpretted so just find something of your own. I have a file on my computer called quotes. Steal something from there.

My current favourite is "Happiness, if not now, never." or "Don't dream it, Be it."

You know what? I'm not going to put anything here, just know that what you think about me, is probably wrong. There are so many layers of irony and manipulation that I didn't even know who the real me was. So just take the best bits, dust them off and keep that as your memory of me.