Martin Crabtree is preparing to die.

A
B
Ca, Adrian (1985-05-18)
Calder, Steph (0000-00-00)
Calderon, Camila (1990-12-05)
Calderon, Samantha (1982-08-03)
Calhoun, Patrick (1983-03-17)
Cally, Cally (1956-09-18)
Calvert, Brian (1976-12-15)
Calvetti, Rebecca (1985-03-10)
Campbell, Rhiannon (1990-09-30)
Carbajal, Veronica (1987-04-23)
Carl Montrell Wilson, Rat (1985-04-20)
Carney, Ben (1985-07-27)
Carrera, Ivan (1986-12-10)
Cars, Ariana (1993-09-24)
Carter, Amanda (1985-12-12)
Carter, David (1967-06-15)
Carter, Greg (1960-02-21)
Carter, Helen (1983-06-13)
Carter, Paul (1984-09-26)
Cartledge, Alastair (1984-02-10)
Cartwright, Adrian (1969-11-06)
Cassar, Richard (1971-11-13)
Catubig, Klaryssa (1992-06-21)
Cauty, James (1956-12-19)
Cauty, James (1956-12-19)
Cauty, Simon (1959-05-15)
Caycedo Mendez, Cesar (1968-05-27)
Ceci, Veronica (1978-05-16)
Centre, Natural Death (1973-05-30)
Chalmers, Wendy (1968-12-23)
Chambers, Richard (1972-02-22)
Chaos, Organiz3d (2999-01-01)
Chapel, Katie (1988-02-13)
Chaplain, Charlie (2008-02-05)
Chapman, Elizabeth (1990-11-28)
Chapman, Roger (1947-06-28)
Charnock, Ross (1977-09-16)
Chaudhary, Kumar (1981-10-05)
Chavarría, Maria (1990-04-29)
Chee, Melvin (1976-05-01)
Cheffie, A (1973-01-21)
Cherchi-bersch, Sebastian (1980-03-01)
Chesney, Sara (1991-04-22)
Chevez, Dalia (1983-08-23)
Chew, Mark (1985-10-10)
Chicken, David (1990-01-19)
Chicolino, Giss (1980-02-03)
Chilestone, Tim (1983-02-11)
Chimpaz, Gurner (2000-10-03)
Chipperfield, Ed (1976-03-24)
Chirunga, Precious (aka Kickie-dee) (1986-08-24)
Chrapko, Danielle (1985-03-11)
Chrapko, Danika (1990-06-30)
Chrapko, Desiree (1981-12-31)
Chylek, Adelle (1985-11-09)
Clark, Hollie (1989-07-26)
Clark, Jacki (1974-04-23)
Cleemann, Sebi (1979-09-29)
Cleeves, Paul (1973-10-29)
Clewes, Sam (1978-12-12)
Coates, Sophie (1991-07-29)
Coates, Tim (1972-08-21)
Cobley, Nick (1986-05-15)
Cock, Scar (1960-02-01)
Cocks, Andrew (1975-01-21)
Coke, Rob (1972-06-26)
Cola, Lola (1970-12-12)
Coleman, Harvey (1992-02-22)
Coleman, Harvey (1992-02-22)
Collier, David (1980-03-18)
Collier, Emma (1988-09-30)
Collins, Damien (1981-12-01)
Collins, Graham (0000-00-00)
Collins, Sinead (1975-12-29)
Collins, Stephen (1976-12-13)
Collis, Carol (1973-03-17)
Columbo, Steve (1978-07-08)
Colvin, Devin (1975-12-19)
Colvin, Devin (1975-12-19)
Colvin, Devin (1900-12-19)
Conley, Bob (1952-09-21)
Connor, Phil (1990-04-08)
Conroy, Ellis (1994-11-13)
Contreras, Jeanette (1968-07-12)
Cook, John (1970-01-16)
Cooper, Steve (1981-10-14)
Cormack, Mike (1979-08-05)
Cornel, Doug (1951-07-24)
Cortez, Delgado (1985-10-15)
Cosgrove, Conor (1971-08-23)
Cotlier, Sol (1977-06-28)
Cotter, Evan (1977-01-12)
Cotton, David (1973-03-23)
Cotton, Richard (1979-08-01)
Coulbeck, Simon (1972-09-19)
Coulter, Simon (1973-11-08)
Courter, Blythe (1987-12-29)
Coward, Simon (1959-07-07)
Coyle, Coyle (1526-02-23)
Crabtree, Martin (1977-05-01)
Craggs, Michelle (1982-12-30)
Craven, Lee (1990-01-07)
Crede, Alexander (1987-03-18)
Crews, Les (1985-06-13)
Cridland, Alec (1989-01-16)
Croft, Adrian (1978-04-18)
Croteau, Eddie (1978-10-30)
Crow, Kenny (1985-11-21)
Cryan, Dan (1978-06-04)
Cui, Carla (1975-06-06)
Cullen, Matthew (1975-12-09)
Cunningham, Simon (1981-05-11)
Currah, Varsana (1987-09-30)
Currell, Simon (1976-02-15)
Cusack, Sean (1986-12-31)
Cutlett, Lucas (1932-11-25)
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DISPOSAL
The same way as Grandma Rob, Grandad Crab and Mum.

COFFIN
If it's up to me I would suggest you do it how I would. Find whatever cardboard, cloth, wood and duct tape you can lay your hands on and just get me wrapped up. Tape me up as tight as you can and get rid...

RELIGION
I'm an atheist, but I appreciate a good Methodist or URC minister. The ceremony should be about the person rather than the religion.

GUESTS
Anyone can come. I will vex the ones who come who know they shouldn't and also the ones who know they should that don't.

MUSIC
KLF - 3am Eternal Pavement - Die in the Summertime Hurricane Smith - Oh Babe, What Would You Say Manic Street Preachers - Manic Street Preachers - As I get burnt... Family - Burlesque

READINGS
Shady Lane by Pavement... just read the lyrics.

EPITAPH
IF HE'S HERE THEN HE'S DEAD

OBITUARY
THE man who was famous amonst his family for breathing since mid 1977 stopped robbing the Earth of air recently...

OTHER