Nemesis Fang is preparing to die.
Fahy, Robert (1982-12-16)
Fajita, Burnt (1967-02-29)
Fallon-cousins, Kate (1980-09-18)
Fang, Nemesis (1989-03-30)
Farley, Mark (1976-10-04)
Feehan, Kerry (1984-10-15)
Feigen, Ross (1996-01-01)
Felz, Ari (1978-06-21)
Fennell, Sara (1983-10-05)
Ferguson, John (1970-03-18)
Ferguson, Lucy (1992-12-03)
Ferris, Rob (1980-02-20)
Fghjydf, Bob (1982-01-26)
Ficha, Ficha (1983-06-08)
Filer, Jennie (1981-11-01)
Filkovic, Filip (1983-06-08)
Finkel, Ken (1966-01-17)
Firth, Heather (1963-06-28)
Fisher, Jer (1953-02-10)
Fisher, Simon (1963-11-18)
FitzGerald, Ronan (1975-07-01)
Fitzhugh, Ben (1979-09-04)
Flaherty , Kath (1963-10-06)
Flame, Cable (1982-05-20)
Flores, Edgar (1993-04-03)
Followill, James (1991-04-06)
Fontenot, Elvis (1961-09-29)
Forever, Teen (1990-08-13)
Forrester, Alfred (1953-09-21)
Forsyth, Julie (1973-11-27)
Forte, Mariano (1992-03-03)
Foster, David (1979-11-08)
Foster-bevan, Luke (1975-06-18)
Fowle, Mic (1984-12-15)
Fowle, Tor (1977-06-26)
Francis, Kerri (1977-04-09)
Franken, Joyce (1979-03-19)
Franklin, Frank (1999-09-09)
Fraser, Steve (1964-01-24)
Frausto, Marlon J (1987-12-29)
Frieden, Marie-Lou (1989-07-25)
Frogmella, Nianjin & (0000-00-00)
Frost, Nick (1974-10-06)
Fryer, Vicky (1982-04-11)
Fuqua, Jennifer (1979-09-30)
VERY IMPORTANT!!! I do not want to be buried, if at all possible. The whole process of decomposition is very unappealing to me. Instead, I would like to be preserved, in a way that does not leave me all wrinkly and dried up (i.e. mummification). For the convenience of those concerned, I have listed several ideas, with number 1 being my most favored method.
1) Plastination. I would like to be plastinated, like Eva Peron. If there is no money for that, donate my body to the Body Worlds exhibit, created by Prof. Gunther von Hagens, to be plastinated. I should have already completed and sent in all legal forms to the organization. There is no cost for this except transportation fees. I would prefer to have my skin and hair preserved with my body, but I know that is very unlikely. As for my plastination, I would like to be preserved wailing on a guitar like Nuno Bettencourt from Extreme or maybe Steve Vai when he was playing with David Lee Roth, giving the “rock on” symbol, while sporting a wicked Mohawk. Another idea is something related to fashion, beauty, or plastic surgery. I would like as much as my body to be plastinated as possible, though this not be possible due to cause of death or organ donation.
Plastinated bodies cannot be accepted in some instances so in those cases, here are other suggestions:
2) Preserve me in amber, wearing the most couture outfit I have, that is appropriate for my age and “look”. I don’t want to look like an 80-year-old slut. I want my hair and makeup to be artfully done. I would prefer the makeup to be “natural”, unless I was ugly or extremely disfigured, in which case, slather it on. The hair can be whatever looks good on me. I would like to preserved in a model pose, waving and smiling. In the amber, in a rugged see through container (so no one gets the urge to dig it out looking for valuables) I would like there to be placed a sample of my DNA, for cloning purposes, a CD of my best looking pictures, life history, ushabti, etc.
3) I know the amber thing was a bit of a stretch, so other choices include preservation through sticking me in a barrel of honey (Alexander the Great style), preservation in a barrel of alcohol, or Egyptian style mummification, which would make me look prunish. Or my mourners could Google "bizarre mummification" or "bizarre death ceremony" and perform the first listed response to the best of their abilities. (Note - the current top ritual is the Tibetan Sky Burial)
4) If my parents or other family members are still alive and disprove of these methods, here are two choices which should be undertaken ONLY IF the above choices have been exhausted, not possible, etc.
Bury me in a national park, or somewhere beautiful, preferably near the ocean or a river, lake, mountain. Wrap me in a biodegradable cloth and chuck me into a hole, use as little preservation chemicals as possible. I heard somewhere in Britain they have this type of environmentally burial, it costs around $300, if I remember properly. And the families can find the burial spot through GBS or something. Donate the money saved to some NON-RELGIOUS charity, that preferably deals with the Middle East or my father’s people.
Cremate me. Scatter my ashes in numerous locations including somewhere near a body of water, my family land (near my dad’s mom’s home), somewhere in Pompeii, Melrose Ave., etc. Scatter my ashes at my favorite places in life… do it surreptitiously, if it is illegal in that area. There is no deadline for this. Don’t scatter my ashes in some redneck state, etc. or I will come back as a poltergeist to haunt you. Also be mindful of the wind, it would be a bit off to wind up in someone’s nose.
In addition, I would appreciate it if some of my ashes were mixed in spray paint cans, or failing that, regular outdoor paint, and given to Bansky or other tasteful street artists to be used in their artwork.
No applicable, since I intend on being a preserved. It would be nice if my mourners made a cheap paper mache one for my wake and somehow turned it into a bar. Then the theme of the wake could be "have a drink on me". They could also personalize it by writing their fave lyrics, funny quotes, pics, etc. Something Bansky-inspired would also brighten up my wake.
I've never been religious and now I've gone it's too late to start. Please don't make my final journey start on a hypocritical foot. Just make sure religion isn't mentioned in any ceremony.
I was raised Christian, I know of the whole belief thing that if I don’t accept God as my savior that I will apparently suffer a fiery eternal damnation. Nonetheless, I am an atheist and I want an atheistic or agnostic service. I know the consequences of my actions and if there is a god out there that would punish me for not worshipping him or for believing that all the events of my life, good or bad, are the direct results of my own actions or hard work, I wouldn’t want to go to their version of paradise.
To help my mourners deal with the large void my demise will bring to their lives, I will allow a 2 minute moment of silence during my service during which each mourner can SILENTLY pray, making a sacrifice, invoke any of their gods, try necromancy, etc. Hopefully this will help them get all that religiousness out of their system for the time being. Think back on my life and not to the future, for if there is one, then for me it will not be happy.
Everyone can attend. Make it a star-studded event. Scenesters and hipsters are particularly invited. If too many people show up at the event, ask for donations while they’re queuing up at the door to help cover the tab. No people I genuinely disliked. Someone invite Bansky...he is my inspiration.
All mourners should try to reenact the dance sequence to OK GO's music video "A Million Ways to Be Cruel" to the best of their abilities. Pay particular attention to the slow motion punch seqeunce.
Oh, and someone should film the wake, record it on a CD, and place a copy near my body.
Nothing too religious or depressing please, unless otherwise noted. I want something people can dance too and have fun with. Here are some suggestions:
AFI: Prelude 12/21, Miss Murder, Girl’s Not Grey, The Leaving Song Part II, Just Like Heaven (I want AFI's version of the Cure’s song if at all possible)
Panic! At the Disco: I Write Sins Not Tragedies, But It’s Better If You Do,etc. I like all their songs so far.
Robots in Disguise: Turn It Up
Pop Noir: D.I.Y., How the West Was Won
Romak and the Space Pirates: Alpha Generic, Safety Lesson
The Cribs: Martell, Hey Scenesters
Artic Monkeys: I Bet You Look Good On the Dance Floor, From the Ritz to the Rubble
Aqua: Barbie Girl (in English and German). I’m serious about this, it should cheer up the guests.
Look towards my iRiver for inspiration. I prefer indie, British music. No rap, Jessica Simpson, Vanessa Carlton, or country though. Look towards what the scenesters are listening to.
Read the part of that book Harry Potter the Philosopher’s Stone where Dumbledore talks about the jellybeans and about how death is the next greatest adventure. Use a high falsetto when reading this.
Read some funny quotes by Nietzsche, including my personal fave “Religion is the opiate of the masses”, or something from the file called “funny quotes” saved on my computer.
Number 37, 28, 66 13, from the Golden Sayings of Epicteus, no apparent reason.
My horoscope for the day of my death and the day of my wake. I’m an Aries.
This doesn’t exactly fit here, but it is my expressed wish that all mourners watch my all time fave movie “Zoolander” either at my wake or on their own time. Let it soothe, comfort, and inspire you. I’m serious.
I don't need one. I won't be buried. If I am buried, god, I'm gonna be pissed.(
But if I am, I want to grab people’s attention, so here are some interesting, though not necessarily true, suggestions:
Here lies the hero of San Juan Hill.
Here lies the inventor of the cure to cancer and AIDS.
Here lies the last of the famous international Playboys.
Under this sod lies another.
Eventually I became king ruler of the pear-packing factory.
"Please find whoever ignored the rest of my wishes and actually had me buried in a cemetery, and kick them in the head for me."
A speaker on the headstone that goes "ow" when someone stands on my grave
Mourners are encourages to make up their own epitaphs for me too. Make it hilarious and attention grabbing, not serious, the winner should be determined by a majority vote. If I was ruler of the free world or something, it would be nice to mention that too.
Nancy was unconfirmed, unbaptised and unsure. She didn't know there was a god, and vacillated between wishing there was one, and being terrified there was. She seriously hopes that there isn’t an afterlife otherwise she’s totally screwed.