Alexander Gassmann is preparing to die.

A
B
C
D
E
F
G, G (1955-09-01)
G, Nick (1990-09-26)
G., Rekky (1990-04-14)
Gacia, PAULA (1973-08-02)
Gage, Nick (1974-08-12)
Gage, Nick (1974-08-12)
Gahdoffkoehrn, Katie (1986-03-09)
GALL, JEFFREY (1941-06-19)
Gallegos, Gabby (1970-06-20)
Gamble, Carl (1976-03-03)
Garcia, Paula (1973-08-02)
Garcia, Rick (1982-07-05)
Garden, John (1975-06-09)
Garden, Rose (1986-03-10)
Gardiner, Ian (1979-10-20)
Gardner, Aneirin (1987-10-26)
Garika, G (1986-04-20)
Gassmann, Alexander (1988-02-26)
Genzler, Martin (1976-02-04)
George, Gavin (1989-04-03)
George, Sashell (1983-05-13)
George, Zeaus (1978-06-20)
Gervaise Brazier, Jim (1976-06-05)
Gibson, Sophie (1990-12-21)
Gil, Diana (1991-01-04)
Gilbert, Jon (1972-03-08)
Gill, Reggie (1978-12-25)
Gill-Harrison, Kelvin (1977-05-30)
Gillespie, Bobby (1962-06-22)
Gilliam, Stephanie (1986-05-10)
Gillies, Rod (1970-05-23)
Gilmour, Christopher (1978-12-12)
Gimpo, Gimpo (1962-04-26)
Glenn, Jennifer (1986-05-10)
Gnihton Eht, The Nothing (1983-03-02)
Goede, Kathryn (1972-05-26)
Goldman, Eyal (1977-07-02)
Goldstein, Yuval (1978-05-07)
Gommon, Ed (1978-10-19)
Gonzales, Sofia (1978-05-30)
Goodman, Ross (2006-04-23)
Goodway, Beth (1990-07-23)
Gordon, Mart (1975-08-06)
Gorton, Nicholas (1971-10-27)
Gow, Alan (1973-12-11)
Gow, Charlotte (1979-04-05)
Goyal, Gourav (1992-02-24)
Goyal, Sandeep (1979-10-30)
Gradwell, Patrick (1974-01-16)
Graham, Phillip (1968-10-24)
Grange, Holly (1985-08-15)
Grant, Alyssa (1990-11-11)
Grant, Chris (1972-08-23)
Grant, Hijinio (1988-12-05)
Grant, Scott (1973-06-16)
Graves-johnston, Andrew Richard (1960-02-29)
Gray, Chris (1972-03-10)
Gray, Jackie (1986-02-27)
Gray, Patrick (1972-09-16)
Grears, Chris (1981-11-10)
Green, Dave (1973-06-04)
GREEN, DAVID (1973-06-04)
Green, Joshua (1980-05-26)
Green, Steve (1975-10-29)
Griffin, Carol (1983-11-07)
Guativa, Mauricio (1992-01-24)
Guest, John (1971-12-23)
Gul, Gulraiz (1985-10-24)
Gunning, Erin (1957-10-07)
Gura, Jemma (1972-09-09)
Guthrie, Blake (2007-05-07)
Guy, Ian (1963-10-29)
Gwyer, Matt (1989-12-03)
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
Y
Z

DISPOSAL
I want to be stuffed and left in a pyramid, similar to the one in Giza, but constructed under thet sea. Followers of the Hypnochurch and marine biologists can then make a scuba-diving pilgrimage.

COFFIN
I'm having a Pyramid, goddamit!

RELIGION
I am a devout member of the Hypochurch; it may not be quite as grandiose as Christianity or Buddism, or even Islam, but we (at least three of us) do have a small, glowing toad, called the Hypnotoad. I bet none of them have one!

GUESTS
Mermaids, sharks nad marine biologists are all welcome. People who love me adn will shed sufficient tears at my passing.

MUSIC
In The Navy by The Village People.

READINGS
The Laughing Song by William Blake. It's enough to make you want to slit your wrists.

EPITAPH
Meh

OBITUARY
Alex was a truly great guy! He had a profoundly medicore effect on all who knew him. He didn't really achieve anything of consequence in life, but we still liked him. We will cremate him, and in so doing he will provide electrical power for the light bulb in the shed in the grounds of Uplands House. His lifetime achievements comprise of Best Male Athelete of Year Ten and he was a half-assed member of the Sixth Form Committee. In March 2006, he managed to grow a fantabulous beard, a veritable feat of hirsutsuism. It is for this that we shall rememver him most. He died happy in the knowledge that he would shortly be reunited with childhood friend and ally, Lord Squeak-A-Lot.

OTHER
Heather's gonna paint my coffin in all the pretty colours of the rainbow.