Jacob Hand is preparing to die.

A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H, Joshua (1980-02-20)
H, T (1991-12-14)
H, T (1991-12-14)
Hackenbush, Steve (1965-07-23)
Hagberg, Niklas (1987-01-16)
Hagström, Håkan (1978-02-25)
Hala, Hala (1984-11-18)
Hall, Adrian (1963-08-24)
Hall, Graeme (1981-09-07)
Hallam, Giles (1973-08-02)
Hallard, Mark (1980-02-09)
Hamilton, Lee (1970-09-17)
Hancox, Paul (1975-07-21)
Hand, Jacob (1979-02-18)
Hannigan, Mick (1953-04-28)
Hansen, Natalie (1982-12-16)
Harald, Bjorn (1973-05-06)
Hargraves, Ken (1973-09-02)
Harland, Joe (1973-05-19)
Harling, Craig (1968-06-03)
Harris, Jaded (1988-06-30)
Harris, Ruth (1985-04-11)
Harrison, Paul (1969-05-19)
Harvey, Suzanne (1983-10-01)
Hatfanny, Potato (1900-06-06)
Haumann, David (1954-02-01)
Haworth, Dave (1959-12-05)
Hay, Jack (1989-05-28)
Hayes, Dani (1990-08-31)
Haysom, Samantha (1985-10-09)
Healey, Alix (1984-08-24)
Heaven, Mansun (1978-08-03)
Heijmans, Thomas (1975-11-11)
Herrera, Anabel (1988-05-10)
Herridge, Neil (1983-09-25)
Heslop, Ben (1979-10-29)
Hi, Ho (1994-02-04)
Hickey, David (1960-04-02)
Hickey, Michael (1981-02-07)
Higgins, Shaun (1989-10-08)
Higginson, Katie (1983-04-01)
Higginson, Rod (1954-03-13)
Higginson, Stu (1971-07-05)
Hilken, Rob (1977-08-17)
Hill, Becky (1990-08-23)
Hill, Mark (1979-07-30)
Hinton, Andrew (1974-07-30)
Hitomi, Aome Hitomi (1986-03-10)
Hobday, Aaron (1991-06-28)
Hodgins, Spanky (1975-12-15)
Hoevenberg, Jeroen (1978-05-18)
Hoffman, Chris (1963-10-27)
Holland, Charles (1969-05-20)
Holman, Zachary "Perfect" (1979-08-15)
Hopkins, Rich (1962-01-11)
Hornby, Matthew (1991-05-26)
Hosick, Simon (1977-06-25)
Hoskins, David (1975-08-15)
Hotelling, George (1979-01-20)
Houston, Jacqueline (1970-01-20)
Howard, Colin (1970-09-27)
Howat, Simon (1967-08-24)
Howes, Samantha (1978-07-04)
Howie, Scott (1970-09-12)
Hubley, Christopher (1984-09-11)
Huddleston, Colt (1984-03-30)
HUdson, Misty D. (1976-12-28)
Huggan, Don (1957-06-10)
Huggett, Stuart (1973-06-06)
Hughes, Derek (1949-10-29)
Hughes, Pete (1970-04-21)
Hulsebos, Frank (1963-08-19)
Hume, David (1984-02-06)
Hume, Lee (1973-08-30)
Hume, Tom (1973-09-22)
Hummel, Antoine (1984-08-11)
Humphries, James (1977-06-10)
Hunter, John (1977-10-21)
Hurley, Cait (1970-02-13)
Hurlow-Hannah, Elizabeth (1941-11-12)
Hurst, Pete (1965-12-23)
Hutchinson, Heather (1973-04-24)
Huzzah, Hubert (1848-04-23)
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
Y
Z

DISPOSAL
Please give my remains, rotted or not, to an art school. It'll save the likes of Thomas Condon from sneaking into a morgue. If I get stinky, I'd be happy being cremated and strewn into the winds....Anywhere I was happy would do.

COFFIN
I'd like to be laid out on a table with things I liked around me. My bass, some good books. All to symbolize what I'll be doing the great beyond.

RELIGION
GIVE ME SLACK!

GUESTS
No one can mourn me. If you mourn me I'll come back as an annoying neighborhood dog or a pigeon and poop on you or something.

MUSIC
I want to be carried to the venue above by a New Orleans funeral band. In other words I want Dixieland band to send me off. I'm dead serious. At the actual viewing I'd prefer some Dixieland and I'd also like some Irish jigs etc. NO AIRES, nothing sad. If I hear anyone crying, by God I'll come back and haunt your asses!

READINGS
I'd like to hear some Tao Te Ching passages, some good poetry (nothing cliche please, like Dylan Thomas). Surprise me. Maybe some of my fathers? Yeats? Shakespeare? Reed?

EPITAPH
Who?

OBITUARY
He was a jake of all trades, but master of none. (groan)

OTHER
Yeah, if Collin or Zac or Eric is not around it had goddamn better be Megan. And she better say something about 'God striking down an atheist.'