Linus Ingoldsby is preparing to die.

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Ince, Russell John (1977-07-07)
Ingoldsby, Linus (1974-06-07)
Innes, Cecilia (1989-09-27)
Irvine, David (1979-11-16)
Isherwood, Don (1956-02-28)
Isteric, Rhys (1984-09-09)
Isteric, Rhys (1984-09-09)
Itall, Lived (1965-05-26)
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DISPOSAL
I wish to be cremated and my ashes scattered into the eyes of my enemies, or failing that, the pacific ocean. Or failing that, just dump them. I'm dead anyway.

COFFIN
I would like a skintight rubber coffin, assuming i'm not too fat by that point.

RELIGION
Linus was unconfirmed, unbaptised and unsure. He didn't know there was a god, and vacillated between wishing there was one, and being terrified there was.

GUESTS


MUSIC
I am the Resurrection. Stone Roses. I just died in your arms tonight, Cutting crew.

READINGS
Well, son, a funny thing about regret is, it's better to regret something you have done, than something you haven't done. And by the way, if you see your mom this weekend, be sure and tell her SATAN SATAN SATAN! The Butthole Surfers.

EPITAPH
Quiet please.

OBITUARY
Linus Ingoldsby lived his life in a quiet way. He was a considered, quiet person, who tried to bring happiness to others, despite the fact that his own life, while not tinged by tragedy, all too often, was tinged with nothing at all. A lack of direction is one of the harshest crosses to bear, and Linus bore his with the fortitude for which he was renowned. Crying, weeping and wailing were his foremost traits, and all who knew him could recite verbatim his wish 'To know what to do'. It seems at the end, that there was only one thing Linus could do correctly and with vigour, and that is what brings us here today

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