Tania Jaye is preparing to die.

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J, Markus (1985-06-03)
J, Sarah (1985-02-21)
Jackson, Laura (1987-02-05)
Jackson, Paul (1974-03-05)
Jackson, Stephen (1970-02-08)
Jalex, Rikard (1990-01-31)
James, Jason (1974-01-23)
James, Peter (1957-02-01)
Jani, Glm (1948-09-17)
Jarvis, Michael (1986-10-10)
Jarvis, Ross (1975-11-30)
Jaskowiak, R (1971-01-01)
Jay, Jess (1985-06-03)
Jaye, Tania (1979-09-20)
Jeffries, Roy (1941-02-18)
Jenkins, Aubrey (1975-05-11)
Jenkins, Susana (1979-07-06)
Jenkinson, Andrew (1972-03-22)
Jennifer, Javier (1982-11-27)
Jennings, David (1965-07-11)
Jent, Matthew (1979-03-13)
Jessup, Edd (1990-06-28)
Jielka, Bulien (1967-02-20)
Jiji, Julia (1990-02-09)
John, Bob (1975-07-24)
John, Daisy (1985-05-02)
Johnson, Adeline (1991-09-19)
Johnson, Daniel (1970-09-29)
Johnson, Iain (1979-11-11)
Johnston, Andrew (1960-02-29)
Johnston, John (1988-08-08)
Jones, Andrew (1974-05-22)
Jones, Casey (1984-11-02)
Jones, Claire (1989-10-27)
Jones, Eli (1975-11-05)
Jones, Lydia (1974-02-03)
Jones, Ruth (1960-12-18)
Jones, Vanessa (1973-01-11)
Jones, Zara (1979-11-03)
Jones III, Quequegg (1792-06-17)
Jourdain, Henry (1972-11-30)
Jowers, SHARON (1980-01-31)
Joy, Nena (1945-11-08)
Jugon, Dean (1986-05-08)
Julian, Christopher (1969-04-30)
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DISPOSAL
Bring on the fire and brimstone! No not the flames of hell, well...maybe later - depends if the dark lord gets sick of my gags about him seeing red and needing regular trips to Anger Management Classes with Adam Sandler, under the guidance of Jack Nickelson lol. Nah, I think I'll settle for a shuttle aimed at the burning sun - or just the usual cremation chamber to the haunting sounds of Fates Warning by the legendary Iron Maiden....

COFFIN
Well as a big girlie I may be in need of a caravan or possibly even an articulated lorry! Either one of those or something made from woven twigs or reeds, after all I don't see why my death should stop someone out in the middle east from enjoying several hours worth of hard work and underpaid labour to design and create something which will be seen for a matter of minutes and then burnt to a cinder!

RELIGION
Queen - Who Wants To Live Forever? would probably be a good choice! lol Or how about some dull and boringly mundane track penned by James Blunt - then at least half the congregation would be able to join me and we can all enter the afterlife together!

GUESTS
Anyone and everyone who happens to be on the street outside, what the hell let's make it an open party! woop woop! :)

MUSIC
I suppose some gospel singers could render an upbeat version of some sad and melodramatic tunage and turn it into some sadistic concoction of happy heartache and ecstatic miserability...

READINGS
Well as you all know, Tania died in somewhat humourous and emphatically funny circumstances.... she's probably laughing at the turn of events as we sit here thinking about her crap jokes and flowing gags, bright smile and wicked to the core laugh! Anyway, onto the gigglesome task of trying to lift her bulky reediness into the chamber for the next act!

EPITAPH
Here lies the dust of Tania Jaye, She was dead while alive, day after day, Now in her tombstone forevermore, She waits for disaster or a miracle to call, There is just one thing that she misses now, Those that were special and broke through somehow, To give her their love and coax hers in return, A love that for eternity will always burn.

OBITUARY
She was a supermodel trapped in the body of a whale.

OTHER