Richard K is preparing to die.

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K, B (1993-07-05)
K, Gee (1985-12-20)
K, Jennifer (1984-12-26)
K, Richard (1975-12-26)
K., Ina (1988-11-22)
Kamila, Heidi (1991-06-13)
Kapadi, Bechar Bhai (1989-06-25)
Kate, Sunflower (0000-00-00)
Kauhanen, Mat (1972-05-01)
Kaur, Amrit (1985-12-16)
Kawasaki, Emily (1981-02-13)
Kay, Brad (1964-05-23)
Kay, Olie (1987-08-06)
Kc, Nikhil (1985-06-03)
Kean, Ewan (1969-03-30)
Keller, Corey (1985-04-03)
Kelly, Gary Robert (1974-05-28)
Kennedy, Courtney (1983-06-12)
Kennedy, Niall (1975-11-02)
Kennington, Cheryl (1966-12-26)
Kenton, Will (1971-10-10)
Kenzo, Vinicius (1988-09-05)
Kimbell, Sara (1982-01-07)
Kinning, Ian (1977-02-13)
Kivistö, Henri (1979-01-22)
Knight, Tim (1973-01-20)
Knox, Dave (1966-05-06)
Koch, Ingmar (1966-07-28)
Konechny, Chris (1985-05-25)
Kontraktion, Lorenz (1966-03-01)
Krave, Kevin (1984-12-10)
Kristiansen, Eirik (1992-05-07)
Kufiyihh, Srtdy (1980-04-04)
Kuta, Dan (1978-06-06)
Kyser, Michelle (1983-05-11)
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DISPOSAL
There is a small room in my house and I don't know what it is for. I often think of spending more time in there but I have always been so busy. I'd like to be buried in there. I'm eager to know what it is all about.

COFFIN
My coffin will resemble a Donald Judd. A copy or an original, they're both made in a factory anyway.

RELIGION
I was never baptised. I remain reluctantly secular but in reason years have had surprisingly few offers from interested religions. I remain available.

GUESTS
There is no better word for it than mourner, so give it up. Guestlist - Just make sure you scour the various celebrity lists and keep anyone out from there and ban anyone with a ring tone or anyone who is thinking of buying a ring tone. Don't let Pete Tong in, he's always so confident at funerals and I don't want him to overshadow me with his tales of Frankie Knuckles. Definitely no Madonna either or that Guy Ritchie one and Brad Pitt can fuck off too. Aside from family and friends, I require all the many followers of Kiosk and definitely Will Self. If Will Self isn't available, hold the whole funeral until he is, I don't care what it takes.

MUSIC
Aside from the obvious 'Zig Zag Wanderer' by Captain Beefheart. I will require Pete Doherty to appear looking forlorn and minstrel like to sing "Fuck Forever" followed by Russ Abbot's "Oh what an atmosphere" (to counterbalance its constant appearance at weddings). Also something by Stereo Total, probably the one by Ypsilon the Robot and maybe finishing with the whole Pip Dylan album which is entitled "‘Of all the things I can eat I’m always pleased with a piece of cheese’. As people file out I will require Spizz Energi's 'Where's Captain Kirk' and Athletico Spizz's 'Spock's Missing' playing poignantly on a loop. The end.

READINGS
Depending on how my life has gone I will require an extract from my own piece entitled Oscillate Wildly (Always Crashing in the Same Car) or from a poem/text piece of mine entitled 'Oh I feel so collectable'. Chapter 9 in the book of Kiosk should also be read, not to mention a sermon on Dandyism preached to my many servants (again this depends on how well its all gone, as yet I have no servants at all). Finally the entire text of Harold Pinter's The Homecoming must be performed by as many of the original actors that are available from the movie version, plus anyone who like to volunteer.

EPITAPH
Richard K, forefather of Kioskism, gregarious till the very end. An occasional worrier.

OBITUARY
In memory of Richard K. He was crossing the road and then he didn't know which way to turn, he never did find out. Soothsayer, Britain's finest exponent of 'the portfolio career' and wannabe Dandy - Richard K was one of the finest artists of his generation, more than likely THE finest. He hated design and campaigned against it for many years. He leaves behind 32 children and a fine collection of unsold contemporary art, his greatest wish was that it gain classic status.

OTHER
I expect my funeral to be taken care of by a select few of my favourite followers of Kioskism.