Roy McCarthy is preparing to die.

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M, C (1994-04-30)
MacArthur, Gregg (1973-08-21)
MacDonald, Chinstrap (1976-05-19)
Macellaro, D (1971-09-15)
Macgregor, Andrew (1973-12-26)
Mackendrick, Annabelle (1980-02-01)
Mackenzie, John (1967-02-27)
Mackie, Ali (1975-01-03)
Macmaster, David (1969-09-11)
Macpherson, Stella (1977-05-18)
Madden, Hannah (1973-08-30)
Maddison, Daniel (1986-04-26)
Maddock, Julian (1958-08-12)
Maggs, Matthew (1974-12-28)
Maher, Emmy (1984-07-05)
Mahmud, Zeeshan (1982-07-26)
Maile, Jonathan (1970-05-02)
Mala, Dr Ongo (1970-02-06)
Malone, Derrick (1973-10-13)
Manning-Hardy, Wendi (1971-03-15)
Manson, Angelus (1987-01-27)
Manson, Luana (1986-12-26)
Marett, James (1975-09-20)
Marillier, Michelle (1978-11-02)
Marker, Thomas (1964-11-30)
Marquez, Pimentel (1990-01-04)
Marsden, Steve (1956-10-13)
Martin, Erik (1978-05-22)
Martin, Matt (1971-01-29)
Martinez, Cristina (1987-10-20)
Martinez, Krista (1987-07-21)
Mary, Angel (1988-02-18)
Maryy, Mary (1992-08-29)
Mason, Joshua (1992-06-30)
Mateo, Mhacky (1986-10-04)
Matthews, Katie (1985-10-16)
Mattingly, Ralph (1991-02-27)
Maughan, Graeme (1972-10-30)
Mawhinney, Dave (1983-09-19)
Mawhinney, Tina (1984-04-11)
Maxwell, Ellen (1981-01-12)
Mc, Davo (1982-10-08)
Mc Hugh, Bill (1988-01-07)
McAllister, Chris (1978-01-13)
Mcalpine, Fraser (1967-08-19)
McBean, Evan (1992-08-17)
McCabe, Alan (1974-10-04)
McCabe, Ben (1974-09-05)
McCabe, Leanne (1988-08-31)
McCaffrey, Kelly (1987-03-29)
McCallion, Chris (1971-11-05)
McCarter, Suzanne (1963-05-24)
McCarthy, Roy (1972-08-02)
McCarthy, Ruth (1970-11-05)
Mccarthy, Ruth (1970-11-05)
McCarthy, Ruth E. (1970-11-05)
McCaskill, Robert (1965-07-28)
McCauley, Cameron (1987-02-19)
Mcclean, Paul (1971-11-10)
Mcclelland, Becca (1980-10-18)
McConnell, Olivia (1991-02-09)
Mcdade-burn, Skye (1986-09-29)
McDonald, Arthur (1965-05-07)
McDonald, Gail (1963-03-31)
McDougall, James (1980-02-03)
Mcfadden, Lee (1967-01-27)
Mcgillicudy, Leon (1965-03-17)
Mcgillivray, William (1974-08-18)
McGregor, Alan (1972-11-17)
McGuire, Samantha (1991-12-25)
McHaffie, Andy (1968-07-26)
McKay, Archie (1968-06-08)
Mckee, Shane (1987-09-15)
McKee, Shane (0000-00-00)
McKenna, Janine (1992-02-26)
McKenzie, Sü (1976-06-10)
McLachlan, Ross (1982-12-14)
McLaren, Craig (1966-03-16)
Mclean, Laura (1991-11-16)
McLeskey, Michelle (1979-10-07)
McMahan, David (1980-09-10)
Mcmanus, Yvonne (1972-09-24)
McPeake, Phyllis (1977-03-08)
McQueen, Geoff (1970-08-17)
McQuillian, Timothy (1991-01-20)
Mead, Jon (1970-06-06)
Mee, Matthew (1965-09-18)
Meehan, Sean (1986-12-17)
MElbourne, William (1980-08-10)
Mellow, Monkey (1997-03-21)
Mengmeng1, Mengmeng1 (1975-11-20)
Mercer, Neil (1974-03-16)
Merrick, Dan (1964-01-04)
Mets, Andrus (1977-01-19)
Meyer, James (1982-03-10)
Middleton, Andy (1975-04-18)
Migan, Melita (1971-12-16)
Miller, Misty (1979-09-20)
Miller, Nathan (1978-11-29)
Mills, Wendy (1971-10-20)
Milner, James (1975-08-14)
Minguella, Moira (1966-06-06)
Minns, Mike (1971-10-29)
Mitchell, Paul (1977-10-02)
Mitchell, Siobhán (1984-06-08)
Mittendorf, Kate (1977-02-18)
Miv, Miv (1973-04-17)
Mod, Mo (1982-09-15)
Moffat, Warwick (1971-01-18)
Mogren, Alexander (1986-04-01)
Molawczyk, Rodrigo (1988-12-14)
Molina, Carlos (1964-10-06)
Mom, Your (0000-00-00)
Monique, Stephanie (1982-09-15)
Montiel, Franco (1995-06-15)
MONTOYA, SELMA (1989-06-15)
Moore, A.J. (1975-01-15)
Moore, Chris (1990-03-03)
Moore, Phil (1961-03-19)
Moore, Philip (1960-11-19)
Moore, Ruby (1980-05-03)
Moreno, Cordón (1993-11-26)
Mori, S. (1985-09-12)
Morris, Nic (1970-07-07)
Mosberg, Todd (1962-01-01)
Moss, Laurence (1978-09-20)
Mr., Cody Holland (1983-06-11)
Muerto, El (1980-04-01)
Muldoon, Mary Anne (1978-05-09)
Munn, Aloysius (1971-12-25)
Munson, Doug (1974-03-27)
Munt, Raymus (1984-01-16)
Murphy, Ciaran (1987-06-15)
Murphy, Ian (1967-06-22)
Murphy, Jason (1969-05-21)
Murphy, Peter (1978-08-08)
Murphy, Ramona (1991-08-19)
Murray, Craig (1980-06-05)
Myers, Wayne (1971-07-23)
Myhill, Phil (1978-07-01)
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DISPOSAL
What if I'm not actually dead? As I'm terrified by the idea of waking up in a coffin, or feeling the flames of the furnace lapping around my toes, I think a proper tomb is the only solution. Somewhere I can be left alone to turn to dust, or simply escape and return home if it turns out i'm not dead. I'd need a lockable shed on a quiet alotment, some tins of hotdogs (and a tin-opener) and a few bottles of orange oasis. If somebody could also leave me the key to the shed, and a few quid for bus fare, I'd be eternally grateful.

COFFIN
No coffin please. If anything I'd like a reclining deck chair to be placed in the shed, so that if I do happen to wake up my back won't be too sore. Now, I know the whole shed scenario seems a little selfish. However, by my reasoning, the absence of an expensive coffin and by not using an official undertaker, a substantial amount of cash can be saved. This cash can then be used to pay for the rent on my alotment until the time comes when I either (a) escape, or (b) turn to dust; whereupon the shed and alotment can be given up (somebody may even get a deposit back, like a little gift from beyond the grave).

RELIGION


GUESTS
Anyone who can be arsed making the journey up the M62 to Hartshead Moor Services. It's about an hour and a half from Liverpool if you get a good run at it (I imagine my funeral will be at the weekend, or is that just weddings?) so the traffic shouldn't be too bad. However, it does tend to get a bit busy around leeds, so leave yourself plenty of time. If the thought of driving that far puts you off then don't even bother worrying about it. It just means more KFC for everyone else. Ex-girlfriends are particularly welcome (apart from the ugly ones, you know who you are) and if you could all stage some kind of faux-jealous bitchfight regarding who my favourite was it would really make my day. I probably loved you all, once.

MUSIC
'underneath your clothes' by Shakira, played on repeat throughout the day.

READINGS
No readings thanks, but everyone should be prepared to tell a joke. Especially if you can find the punchline to "there were three queers in the back of a mini . . ."

EPITAPH
This shed is protected by an electronic intruder alarm. Trespassers will be prosecuted.

OBITUARY
He always said this would happen one day.

OTHER