Ryan Nelson is preparing to die.

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N, Sarah (1982-05-16)
Nadia, Nadia (1986-02-22)
Najac, Jian (1973-02-19)
Naslund, Dennis (1980-10-14)
Neal, Andy (0000-00-00)
Needs, Alex (1974-01-23)
Negi, Pappu (1979-09-14)
Negra, Luz (1987-01-22)
Nelder, Seroc (1977-04-19)
Nelson, Jai (1976-10-22)
Nelson, Ryan (1976-01-22)
Neville, Tom (1953-07-13)
Newstar, Shelly (1978-10-18)
Newton, N/a (1994-01-07)
Nice, Bee (1964-01-09)
Nichol, Brenda (1972-10-14)
Nichols, Karen (1967-01-03)
Nicolis, Anna (1990-11-06)
Niemann, Bjarke (1982-01-07)
Nigam, Nigam (1987-08-01)
Nige, Nigie (1973-01-01)
Nimmo, David (1977-06-30)
No, No (1987-10-03)
Nodar, Dar (1973-11-13)
Noel, Letitia (1952-12-25)
None, Karen (1983-12-18)
Northam, Nicole (1980-11-10)
Norwood, Joseph (1986-04-14)
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DISPOSAL
Don't buy a box- its a silly waste of money. Cardboard will do- reclaim one at the supermarket, and then whatever is cheapest.....I like the idea of being picked apart by birds- but the stench would be unbearable. Build a funeral pyre on a beach somewhere, douse me with petrol and set me on fire. No gravestone thank-you.

COFFIN
Cardboard would do, but splash a bit of paint on it. Of course, if you can afford it you could always shroud me with the works of David Hockney and burn that shit as well....

RELIGION
Okay, so no services or anything- but will someone please say kaddish for me?

GUESTS
No-one from school, no nuns, priests, rabbis, no fetid evangelicals, no one who thinks that Ian Paisley was anything less than Satan, and no Sinn Feiners. After that anyone can come.

MUSIC
Okay, so I want tears. I want people sobbing their hearts out. So any music with that kind of thing would do, but I also want Agnes Dei by Barber, sung LIVE.

READINGS
Two Eulogies, from the people who loved me most. Lots of tears and regrets please, and then kaddish in Hebrew and English.

EPITAPH
none

OBITUARY


OTHER