Dennis Naslund is preparing to die.

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N, Sarah (1982-05-16)
Nadia, Nadia (1986-02-22)
Najac, Jian (1973-02-19)
Naslund, Dennis (1980-10-14)
Neal, Andy (0000-00-00)
Needs, Alex (1974-01-23)
Negi, Pappu (1979-09-14)
Negra, Luz (1987-01-22)
Nelder, Seroc (1977-04-19)
Nelson, Jai (1976-10-22)
Nelson, Ryan (1976-01-22)
Neville, Tom (1953-07-13)
Newstar, Shelly (1978-10-18)
Newton, N/a (1994-01-07)
Nice, Bee (1964-01-09)
Nichol, Brenda (1972-10-14)
Nichols, Karen (1967-01-03)
Nicolis, Anna (1990-11-06)
Niemann, Bjarke (1982-01-07)
Nigam, Nigam (1987-08-01)
Nige, Nigie (1973-01-01)
Nimmo, David (1977-06-30)
No, No (1987-10-03)
Nodar, Dar (1973-11-13)
Noel, Letitia (1952-12-25)
None, Karen (1983-12-18)
Northam, Nicole (1980-11-10)
Norwood, Joseph (1986-04-14)
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DISPOSAL
I would like one of the following to happen: to be dismembered into at least 12 different pieces, and buried in seperate plots, each in different countries (however I do not wish for seperate funeral proceedings at each site, instead everything can be broadcast from the main site to televisions set up at all the satellite burial plots), OR I would like to be buried naked, in a 4 foot deep ditch, with no casket.

COFFIN
Granted that I am afforded the first option I described under 'Disposal', I would like each casket painted in the dullest beige available. I would like them numbered, in no order, by digits inbetween 48 and 76, by gold spraypaint along the side.

RELIGION
I wouldn't mind a Christian funeral if the priest eulogizing were actually able to list the 372 reasons that I will be going to hell, and the 400 reasons that I will be happy to spend eternity there.

GUESTS
I am currently putting together a questionaire that will determine the eligibilty of anyone wishing to attend my funeral. It will be posted when complete, but the scoring key will be kept secret until my death, so there is no cheating.

MUSIC
Take the top 6 radio singles on the date of my death, but from the year 1956, and play them all simultaneously. I will also have available noise collages made from field recordings of libraries, public restrooms, and junkyards for play over the PA system.

READINGS
I would like Hugo Ball's 'Dada Sound Poems' read aloud.

EPITAPH
'In life, he passionately took up valuable space. In death, he does the same.'

OBITUARY


OTHER
I would like my funeral conducted by a team of janitors, chosen randomly from the phone book. They must make arrangement decisions based on coin tosses.