Alex Needs is preparing to die.

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N, Sarah (1982-05-16)
Nadia, Nadia (1986-02-22)
Najac, Jian (1973-02-19)
Naslund, Dennis (1980-10-14)
Neal, Andy (0000-00-00)
Needs, Alex (1974-01-23)
Negi, Pappu (1979-09-14)
Negra, Luz (1987-01-22)
Nelder, Seroc (1977-04-19)
Nelson, Jai (1976-10-22)
Nelson, Ryan (1976-01-22)
Neville, Tom (1953-07-13)
Newstar, Shelly (1978-10-18)
Newton, N/a (1994-01-07)
Nice, Bee (1964-01-09)
Nichol, Brenda (1972-10-14)
Nichols, Karen (1967-01-03)
Nicolis, Anna (1990-11-06)
Niemann, Bjarke (1982-01-07)
Nigam, Nigam (1987-08-01)
Nige, Nigie (1973-01-01)
Nimmo, David (1977-06-30)
No, No (1987-10-03)
Nodar, Dar (1973-11-13)
Noel, Letitia (1952-12-25)
None, Karen (1983-12-18)
Northam, Nicole (1980-11-10)
Norwood, Joseph (1986-04-14)
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DISPOSAL
There's a place near Cranlaigh in Surry that'll bury me in a cardboard box and plant a tree on me. That would be nice. Otherwise scatter me on the beach in Woolacombe, Devon.

COFFIN
I want to be sat in a burning Wicker Saab Timelord (or buried in a cardboard box...).

RELIGION
Lapsed Taoist.

GUESTS
Anyone can come so longer as they buy a round afterwards and don't go on about how great I was ('cos I wasn't).

MUSIC
Everything's Cool by Pop Will Eat Itself and the whole of the Back in Black album by AC/DC.

READINGS
"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with nature. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that nature wishes to see people happy amidst it's simple beauty. As long as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles." - Nicked and altered from something Anne Frank once wrote

EPITAPH
Dos dedos mis amigos, everything's cool...

OBITUARY
Firstly I'd like to thank everyone for making the effort to come today. I'm afraid there will be no free bar so I quite understand if you'd like to leave now.... Those of you who still remain, may I say that you're either asleep or you're actually my friends and I'd like to thank you for that because without you all I would not have had nearly as much fun as I did. Admittedly I probably wouldn't have had as much grief and definitely fewer hangovers but on the whole it was definitely worth it. So get on with life and try to love each other in as non-physical way as possible. I'll be around for a while after the cremation/burial so if you'd like to tell me your darkest secrets or thoughts I'll be all ears (and reliably discreet!). Love ya, Alex

OTHER
I'd like the service to be performed by a medly of my close friends singly close vocal harmonies in a barber shop style.