stuart paterson is preparing to die.

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P, Chris (1967-11-08)
P, P (1983-11-07)
P, William (1975-03-02)
Page, Nick (1961-05-22)
Paling, Stewart (1972-04-22)
Palmer, Michael (1968-09-22)
Pant, Mahesh (1978-01-28)
Pardy, Brian (1900-01-01)
Paris, Blue (1969-07-22)
Parker, Jonathan (1970-12-19)
Parker, Weston (1982-04-22)
Parkin, Emma (1972-12-27)
Parrish, Mike (1987-04-17)
Parry Okeden, Nicholas (1988-07-29)
Pascoe, Gabrielle (1970-01-24)
Paterson, Phillip (1985-04-20)
Paterson, Stuart (1972-04-07)
Pathetic, Lib (1990-07-11)
Patil, Patil (1981-12-25)
Patrick, Kelly (1974-12-31)
PATTENDEN, Colin (2002-01-02)
Pattison, Ziekk (1984-05-15)
Pavlovic, Matija (1989-01-11)
Pawson, Spencer (1970-07-20)
Paxton, Kyle (1989-02-12)
Payfer, Tom (1957-08-02)
Pearce, Clare (1982-02-01)
Peck, John (1979-04-12)
Pedreschi, Aidan (1969-10-04)
Pelaez, Edgar (1984-09-11)
Pelaéz, Victoria (1985-11-02)
Peña, Marisol (1988-07-21)
Peñalba, Javier (1980-10-14)
Pennington, Emma (1989-03-17)
Peralta, Enrique (1978-06-03)
Perklington, Sam (1990-06-23)
Persse, Jason (1974-11-23)
Peter, Peter (1981-11-27)
Peterson, Sue (1961-12-05)
Petkovic, Drazen (1991-05-04)
Petty, Brian (1978-01-04)
Peyras, Gaelle (1983-05-31)
Pfeffer, Catherine (1946-05-16)
Philip, Brendan (1975-05-10)
Philipps, Sarah (1987-01-08)
Phillips, Roscoe (1988-03-01)
Pickering, Andrew (1976-12-31)
Pina, Aaron (1975-07-15)
Pipu I Sofi, Pipu I Sofi (1980-03-24)
Pirtola, Pilvari (2001-12-29)
Pist Off, Pissin (1985-12-01)
Planes, Alice (1979-11-06)
Plant, Danny (1977-12-13)
Plant, Kit (1974-08-08)
Plant, Mark (1980-01-22)
Plenti, Jules (1990-03-10)
Pocket, Polly (1983-07-11)
Polbäck, Jonathan (1977-12-22)
Pollard, Andrew (1972-12-26)
Pollard, George (1975-12-22)
Pollock, Stephen (1964-07-18)
Poopcheck, Stubbly (1976-10-23)
Pope, Phin (1976-03-12)
Poptart, Mister (0000-00-00)
Porter, Tom (1982-08-31)
Portugal, Diane (1983-05-26)
Potz-Rayner, Steve (1970-01-24)
Powell, Emily (1991-04-28)
Power, David (1977-08-02)
Pppp, Rrrr (1988-03-01)
Pradhan, Chintaman (1954-02-25)
Prass, Ram (1967-07-09)
Preiti, Matias (1989-08-04)
Presley, Lisa Marie (1981-07-15)
Price, Hannah (1992-03-13)
Price, Rebecca (1972-11-21)
Price, Rob (1985-07-28)
Priest, Gray (1976-03-11)
Prior, Rachel (1986-09-02)
Purcell, John (0000-00-00)
Puru, Puru (1984-08-02)
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DISPOSAL
I will be fired towards the sun in a glass missile while AC/DC's 'Highway To Hell' blasts from the largest speakers ever built. Six of these speakers (each larger than the Chrystler Building)will be placed around Manhattan Island while the world watches me blast off through the inner Solar System. I will be accompanied by the four horsemen of the rock apocalypse and four chariots of solid gold and diamond flown by the 16 magical unicorns i bred while indulging in a little genetic tampering in the early 22nd century.

COFFIN
My Glass pod will be four miles high, i will be placed halfway up it. In fact i've just decided it will be made entirely from a single solid diamond. There will be a small niche at the bottom into which the Fusion engine i invented will fit to propell me towards the sun.

RELIGION
As leader of the World Church, the supreme Pontiff Augustus Caesar Paterson is with us always.

GUESTS
Everyone will watch me fly towards the Sun. It will be exactly like that bit in 'Armageddon' when the whole world stops to watch Bruce Willis et al lift off towards their meteorite. Liv Tyler will, of course, be crying at having lost the one man she ever loved. As will many other very, very beautiful women.

MUSIC
i fly towards the sun to AC/DC's 'Highway to Hell'. As i leave Earths orbit, Beethoven's 'Ode to joy' will be sung by the largest choir ever assembled, accompanied by an orchestra of 30,000 young female musicians, all dresses as vampire-vixens.

READINGS
'Res Gastae Divi Augustus Caesar Paterson' will be read by all literate peoples throughout the universe. At the time of my death it will have been translated into all 7,200 of the universes known languages.

EPITAPH
My eternal soul will watch over all, casting magic from the ether. Caesar est Sol Invicta.

OBITUARY
Probably the finest example of wit and charm ever found in a true polymath, Emperor of The Whole World Augustus Caesar Paterson led the way in so many fields of science and the arts it is simply impossible to list not only his academic achievements, but the almost longer list of movie stars and supermodels that seemed to follow him everywhere. The unprecedented move by the United Nations early in the summer of 2002 meant the Emperor of the Whole World (formerly Stuart) Augustus Caesar Paterson became leader of the known universe with full executive powers in perpetuity. His reign was one known for it's 'imperial peace' after he ended conflict throughout the universe by subjegating Satan and his dark forces thus defeating evil in a spectacular final battle lasting fourty days and fourty nights, although the legalisation of all class 'A' drugs and the appointment of Zodiac Mindwarp as minister of entertainment on Earth raised some eyebrows and provoked criticism from some close personal friends, particularly the cryogenically revived Albert Einstein, Julius Caesar and Plato who formed the emperor's close personal cabinet. Ten years of Global Mourning will be marked by gladiatorial contests in the Colloseo Nova on the site of the former city of Rome and it is expected to be filled to its 4 million capacity every day until Global Mourning ends in 2345. Caesar was born in 1972, he was 363 when he died.

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