Kenneth Relf is preparing to die.

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R, Jr (1984-10-16)
Race, Anne-Marie (1968-09-15)
Raj, Mohan (1988-08-05)
RAJPUT, SANTOSH (1988-06-17)
Ralph, Owen (1994-01-30)
Ramirez Estelar, Ana (1989-09-01)
Rancid, Rikki (1992-01-20)
Random, Roy (1961-07-14)
Ranjan, Rohan (1985-11-03)
Rashkova, Neli (1989-06-12)
Ravenscroft, Leon (1973-02-11)
Rawlings, Del (1974-12-30)
Rawlins, Ric (1980-03-31)
Ray, Rajesh (1972-08-20)
Rayner, Nicholas (1980-11-12)
Read, Cam (0000-00-00)
Reducer, Soni (1979-11-12)
Reed, Bethany (1988-11-19)
Reed, Mark (1973-07-03)
Regan, Andy (1982-07-29)
Reith, Philip ATV (1977-03-13)
Relf, Kenneth (1973-09-02)
Remnant, Leigh (1981-07-15)
Remnant, Mark (1975-07-16)
Renju, Ab (1990-01-27)
Reynolds, GL (1970-03-22)
Rhind, Neil (1980-12-04)
Rhind, Neil (1980-12-04)
Rhodes, Ed (1973-07-06)
Rich, Dave (1974-06-08)
Rich, Matthias (1971-11-26)
Richards, Tim (1964-08-24)
Richardson, Alec (1983-02-17)
Richardson, Martin (1972-01-12)
Richardson, Marty (1972-01-12)
Richmark, Stephania (1989-01-24)
Riding, Alexander (1984-03-23)
Riley, David (1952-11-13)
Riley, Tim (1970-05-14)
Riskin, Neta (1977-01-01)
Ritchey, Slade (1976-10-01)
Rivera, Lucrecia (1985-04-23)
Roberts, Dawn (1971-04-26)
Roberts, Timothy J. (1979-11-19)
Robertson, Alex (1987-03-02)
Robertson, Scott (1974-04-24)
Robinson, Andrew (1968-09-04)
Robinson, Chloe Joan (1990-12-06)
Robinson, Mack (1992-12-28)
Robinson, Stuart (1976-11-11)
Roche, Jay (1968-05-20)
Rodri, Lica (1986-07-24)
Rodrigues, Jailson (1977-07-08)
Rogers, Anna Louise (1982-11-29)
Rogers, Julie (1968-06-01)
Rohloff, K (1977-08-16)
Rose, Ben (1984-11-06)
Rose, Carson (1991-10-03)
Rose, Jane (1973-03-09)
Ross, David (1974-12-07)
Rossignol, Jim (1978-07-18)
Rothery, Barry (1957-04-29)
Rothery, Barry (1957-04-29)
Rowe, Gavin (1973-02-06)
Roy, Leanne (1987-02-23)
Rudd, Adam (1971-09-21)
Runde, Řystein (0000-00-00)
Rusche, Miss (1960-01-01)
Russell, Green (1973-04-29)
Russett, SC (1975-04-03)
Russo, Paul (1970-04-21)
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DISPOSAL
Cremation. The cheapest possible - no frills.

COFFIN
cheapest container

RELIGION
None whatsoever

GUESTS
Family and friends. No one I have cut out of my life can attend. No enemies from work.

MUSIC
The Hundredth Meridian by The Tragically Hip. Anything else from my collection. Nothing that has not been agreed by me.

READINGS
Nothing religious. Subjects - Humour, satire, science, consciousness raising and any combination of those. Avoid death, it's a downer.

EPITAPH
Your assumptions are wrong. Shut up until you come up with some more.

OBITUARY
Grumpy and contradictory. I'm bipolar, idiot.

OTHER
If there is to be any sort of memorial it must be in this form. Hire a cinema screen and show films all day. Only films I would approve of. No films that show people overcoming adversity, no heartwarming stories of people coming together. Films about people who struggle and ultimately fail but live their whole lives in an imaginary world. No one is to attend the cremation, or do anything else in my name but come and see films. No mention of me will be made, talk about the film. It's a good one - it's been approved by me.