Klepper TheLepper is preparing to die.

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T, K (1953-11-10)
T, M (1987-05-10)
T, Sian (1983-03-14)
Tacker, John-Michael (1993-12-24)
Tait, Ken (1966-02-22)
Tate, Chris (1971-12-31)
Tayeng, Butengt (1989-07-05)
Taylor, Catriona (1982-01-27)
Taylor, Sebastian (1972-08-27)
Teer, Phil (1967-05-18)
Telford, Robert (1984-01-01)
Telling, NOT (1989-05-09)
Tenebrarum, V (1985-03-20)
Test, Test (1973-04-05)
Thailand, Nissy (1965-11-19)
The Bash, Ash (1976-10-20)
The Lizard Boy, Raul (1988-01-07)
The Quizmaster, Ade (1976-05-01)
The Younger, Tom (1972-08-14)
The-Thirdman, Tim (1963-08-24)
TheLepper, Klepper (1970-03-22)
Thomas, Nathan (1991-01-14)
Thomas, Patrick (1958-04-28)
Thompson, Dan (1974-06-17)
Thompson, Flex (1986-04-12)
Thompson, Jennifer (1980-06-05)
Thompson, Jenny (1989-03-02)
Thompson, Joanna (1985-02-28)
Thompson, Kyle (1976-07-04)
Thompson, Martin (1975-03-02)
Thompson, Mel (1986-08-17)
Thompson, Susannah (1974-08-07)
Thompson, Tracey (1974-02-13)
Thornburgh, Max (1974-01-18)
Thornburgh, Rudi (1977-06-22)
Thornton, Kelly (1982-08-31)
Thurston, Ruby (1988-07-04)
Tilbury, Lawry Joseph (1980-07-10)
Timelord, Ford (1988-05-28)
Tingle, William (1978-06-27)
Titley, Daniel (1980-05-20)
Tomatoes, Puree (1977-12-26)
Torres Carigga, Alonso (1989-03-22)
Tourle, Stuart (1979-08-08)
Toy, Anthony (0000-00-00)
Traynor, Jo (1984-11-25)
Tremaine, Sonny (1981-08-30)
Tresadern, Heidi (1978-06-28)
Tribe, Michelle (1974-01-08)
Trostancki, Lucas (1981-03-29)
Troughton, Mark (1965-05-09)
Turnbull, Alex (1978-07-22)
Turner, Craig (1979-08-23)
Turner, Gemma (1989-11-03)
Turner, Oliver (1981-12-08)
Twine, Jamie (1973-11-10)
Twisselmann, Keike (1967-07-29)
Tyrer, Dave (1966-01-08)
Tyzack, Parry (1966-06-06)
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DISPOSAL
I'd like to be buried in Hazzard County, after being paraded, naked, around my home town of Brentwick-upon-Nuneaton. All shall see me in my unfettered unashamed glory. (Please cover up my ding-dong though)

COFFIN
My coffin should be a faithful full size replica of the General Lee, without those two homos Beau and Luke in it. I'd like the musical horn to be on autoloop so that the school-children could hear muted strains of 'di-di-duh-duh-diddle-diddle-dee-dee-duh-duh' from the ground when they sat on my tombstone and wished that I was still alive.

RELIGION
Kleppers was High Priest of the Church of the Damascan Plague Scarabs. Worshipped by both of his followers his selfless dedication to the betterment of others, through demonic prayer and mutual masturbation knew no bounds.

GUESTS
Beau and Luke can fuck right off. I never liked them, the pair of curly haired southern wank nuts. Daisy, she can come. Please.

MUSIC
I'd like to be sent off to the great beyond listening to Angela Aguillera (Thats Christina's less well known and fatter sister) singing her cult classic "I wish I was as pretty as my Sister... That bitch gets all the guys"

READINGS
I'd like the front Pew of the University of Stockholm Physics Department, Lecture Theatre B to be torn out and read as a testament to my lifes work. (You know the one, where all the dirty little Born Again Christians sit a scrawl evil things about each other in red biro).

EPITAPH
in really small writing on my tombstone, "If you can read this your standing on my grave and I can see up your skirt P.S. I fucked your Mom."

OBITUARY
Kleppers died as he lived - surrounded by nekkid pictures of ladies. A tall boy of diminuitive stature, Kleppers was a contradiction from start to finish. His insatiable appetite for knowledge was sparked early on by the cryptic insult "Shut-up. You are nothing but a quantum fluctuation in the Heisenburg Uncertainty Principle" fueled by a desire to respond with witty repartie should such a biting scathing insult be levelled at him in future, he joined the University of Stockholm's Department of Physics, as a Janitor and spent the next fourteen years scrubbing "Hans Sucked Klaus' Weenerschnitzen" graffiti from the pews in lecture theatre B and unblocking swollen tampons from the perpetually bunged second-stall-from-the-end, in the ladies bathroom. Marrying his sister at age 56 was seen by many as a step to far, leading to Kleppers ostracism from his social circle. Fearing retribution from his crazed gun-toting, cocaine addled posse of reprobates and junky-flunkies, Kleppers jumped aboard the cruise ship 'Starlight in Venice' and headed for the golden shores of America. We will remember with fondness stories of blowing his way through the crew in order to pay for passage after being found on day six hiding in a lifeboat. Little is known of Kleppers whereabouts during his four years stateside, we trust that many of you here reading this obituary were in some way touched by his questionable ethical standards. Kleppers resurfaced just three short months ago, in the Chisholm Retirement Complex for the Criminally Deranged in Shropshire, England. He was often to be found in the dining room across from Mrs Beasly, tool in hand, beating away feaverishly over worn-out images Daisy Duke. Having lost the ability to speak Kleppers communicated only by smearing ideograms on the walls of his chamber using his own bodily waste. Unfortunately Kleppers was a terrible artrist and most of what he had to say just looked like shit smeared on a wall.

OTHER
Please anyone who knew me in life, come celebrate the Worlds loss at my passing. I'd really like Daisy Duke to cry a tear or two at my service.