Oswald Underclown is preparing to die.

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U, Randy (1968-11-11)
Underclown, Oswald (2006-12-25)
Underhill, Richard (1927-12-22)
Urkovi, Urkovi (1976-11-24)
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DISPOSAL
i shall be comically placed in a coffin in all my regalia and a squirty flower in the top pocket. I shall be mourned by confetti-in-buckets adorned peers. This will be my greatest hour. My hour of burial. Vis-a-vis.

COFFIN
I was born into this world, my head bald save a shock of red hair at the sides, my eyes full of tears. I shall pass over in a glorious technicolour coffin, with some false feet and a plastic arm hanging out at the sides. Dim sum.

RELIGION
I am a member of the secret order of the clowns. Us Underclowns have been assistants to clowns for generations. This is my religion thus.

GUESTS
All at the drop in centre for unemployed clowns. Bill Murray (for his role in QuickChange) The chucklebrothers are not permitted.

MUSIC
"Death of a clown" by the kinks, "Send in the clowns" by herschel krustofski.

READINGS
The prophecy of the brotherhood of Underclowns shall be read from start to finish. My brothers shall weep at the section on fire hazards. Unto the brink.

EPITAPH
Here Lies brother Oswald of the Underclowns. A loyal servant who once gave the Hari Krishnas some stick for invading our patch in the High Street. May he be eternally blessed by the god of Vaudeville.

OBITUARY
He was under a clown. Hence.

OTHER
All the clowns i have known and attended. I entrust them with my life as they entrust me with theirs in the battlefield of the circus bigtop. Particularly Weeping Werner the German and Champion the Wonderclown under whom I served for twelve years in the 70's and eighties. These are my priests. Therefore this is my religion. They shall attend. Ipso Facto.