Paul Woods is preparing to die.

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Wafwfwfe, 243fsa (1948-02-05)
Waheed, Naheem (1972-01-15)
Walczak, Matthew (1981-02-03)
Walls, Mathew (1985-05-14)
Walo, Love (1988-05-03)
Walsh, Greg (1978-01-06)
Walsh, Jason (1978-03-19)
Walters, Dom (1978-04-21)
Walton, Andrew (1984-11-17)
Ward, Angelee (1963-07-19)
Ward, Jon (1968-03-28)
Wardhan, Harsh (1985-12-21)
Wardner, Som (1979-12-26)
Warlock, Hippy (1958-10-10)
Warner, Greg (1964-11-24)
Waters, Alana (1970-10-13)
Weatherbee, Dave (1948-08-29)
Weber, K (1977-04-10)
Webley, Tina (1960-11-10)
Weiland, Michael (1980-02-23)
Weiss, Jonathan (1984-09-08)
Welch, Philip (1985-08-04)
Welke, Paul (1978-12-13)
Wells, Alice (1988-12-22)
Wells, Christian (1977-10-02)
Wennersten, Marie (1968-11-11)
West, Nina (1978-05-30)
Westberg, Vicki (1987-04-10)
Westerman, Robert (1961-12-27)
Westwood, Stevo (1965-07-23)
Weteland, Renee (1964-11-28)
Wheeldon, Emma (1979-05-19)
Wheeler, Jamm!n (2000-06-02)
Whitehouse, Benjamin (1979-02-22)
Whiteside, JAy (1983-01-03)
Whittle, Simon (1971-05-11)
Who, Aboutolou (1962-09-13)
Whos Fucked, A Dead Fucker (1984-09-11)
Wikström, Richard (1976-05-25)
Wilkinson, Dan (1092-10-12)
Wilkinson, James (1982-06-23)
Willetts, Lauryn (1985-01-17)
Williams, Alex (1980-06-13)
Williams, Courtney Elizabeth (1990-10-17)
Williams, Graham (1950-11-15)
Williams, Kelvyn (1970-05-10)
Williams, Luke (1977-05-17)
Williams, Luke (1977-05-17)
Williams, Rob (1976-05-31)
Williams, Wayne (1974-11-20)
Willis, Katy (1989-07-22)
Wilson, Andy (1959-01-24)
Wilson, Brandon (1989-06-14)
Wilson, Felix (1974-05-14)
Wilson, Gary (1960-06-22)
Wilson, Matt (1985-06-16)
Wilson, Scott (1970-07-06)
Wilson, Scott (1970-07-06)
Wilson, Thomas (1977-08-29)
Wiltshire, Adam (1990-09-27)
Windsor, Clare (1972-12-10)
Winston, Byron (1976-08-16)
Winter, Cassy (1974-11-07)
Winter, Nicole (1982-08-19)
Wirth, Billy (1974-06-20)
Wise, Alicia (1969-10-27)
Wiseman, Nathan (1971-08-10)
Wood, Ed (1978-09-01)
Wood, Philip (1982-09-08)
Woods, Graham (1975-06-21)
Woods, Paul (1900-01-21)
Wormtongue, Grima (0000-00-00)
Worsfold, Emma (1985-08-07)
Worthington, Nicholas (1978-10-01)
Wozniak, Donna (1960-04-03)
Wozniak, Gregory (1959-11-18)
Wright, Laurie (1950-07-07)
Wright, Li-An (1986-09-09)
Wright, Robert (1972-03-09)
Wright, Sadie-Leanne (1987-02-12)
Wrightson, Bob (1971-09-17)
Wyman, Sean (1983-10-18)
Y
Z

DISPOSAL
Traditional burial.

COFFIN
I'm not too bothered about the type of coffin... it should be a dark wood (ebony, or mahogany, perhaps) with no gold fixings - they should either be silver, or cast iron.

RELIGION
Traditional Christian.

GUESTS
All and sundry, as long as they keep to the dress code.

MUSIC
The Funeral March (Chopin) and things in keeping with that, for the procession to the graveside. (How you'd get a pipe organ out into the cemetery is an exercise for the student). And then, there should be a string quartet, playing morose, dirge-like music while the mourners gather at the graveside, and after the ceremony.

READINGS
Something from Ecclesiastes would be fitting, I feel.

EPITAPH
"Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there; I do not sleep." Unoriginal, but fitting.

OBITUARY


OTHER
Dress code - Men in top hats and tailcoats, both black. White shirts, black cravat. Black trousers and shoes. Silver-knobbed canes optional, but encouraged. Women should wear black Victorian mourning-gowns, black lace gloves, bonnets and parasols. Children should not be allowed at the funeral, except for two infants, one boy and one girl who will lead the procession, casting purple and black petals upon the ground from black wicker baskets. These children should be dressed as the adults, except bare-headed. Procession - The coffin should be conveyed to the cemetery on an open black horse-drawn carriage, pulled by two black horses with black plumes rising from their heads.Two footmen, dressed in black uniform, should ride at the back of the carriage, with the driver at the front of the carriage. The mourners should walk alongside the carriage, sniffling and looking wretched. Weather - it should be raining, but only slightly. It should be cold enough so that the mourners breath can be seen. There should be no wind. The trees in the cemetery should be bare and leafless.