Lou Davies is preparing to die.

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B
C
D, K (1976-05-13)
D, MRK (1984-02-27)
D-Allard, Abigail (1990-11-28)
D., Nigel (1987-08-01)
Da Silva, Joseph (1977-12-28)
Dalby, Elo´se (1986-06-25)
Daley, Thomas (1980-11-09)
Damage, Rave (1970-07-07)
Damian, Michael (1974-01-10)
Darby, Mark (1962-03-26)
Darby, Nick (1961-03-01)
DAS, RAJIB KUMAR (1983-11-07)
Davidson, Lynton (1973-06-06)
Davies, Clive (1966-04-15)
Davies, Jayne (1974-03-20)
Davies, Jessica (1986-08-10)
Davies, John (1962-06-06)
Davies, Lou (1979-09-19)
Davis, Rory (1991-02-08)
Davy, Libby (1968-12-20)
Dawson, Rik (1988-09-11)
Day, Han (1991-04-03)
De Jose, Colin (1970-09-02)
De Silva, Manoli (1990-12-04)
Deacon, Karina (0000-00-00)
Deane, Brogan (1992-02-09)
Deane, Peter (1980-01-12)
Decae, Seymour (1976-07-09)
Degngig, Deretinchie (0000-00-00)
Dekker, Desmond (1956-03-04)
Del Viento, Fierro (1988-03-28)
Del-rio, Emma (1986-05-06)
Deletethisentry, Please (9999-10-01)
Delgado, Eric (1977-03-04)
Delince, Jerry (1970-09-24)
Dempster, Martin (1978-07-25)
Denning, Guy (1965-10-06)
Dent, Thomas (1978-08-03)
Derempoukas, Apostolos (1958-07-10)
Derrick, Greg (1977-11-03)
Desai, Rashmi (1972-04-02)
Devito, John (1992-03-26)
Devlin, Gaz (1985-03-16)
Deyarmond, Coleen (1956-03-14)
Dharmachari, Ashvajit (1941-01-12)
Dines, Malcolm (1974-08-06)
Disastronaut, Jeffrey (1968-06-22)
Dixon, Martin (1959-01-08)
Djordjevic, Sanja (1989-04-20)
Dobson, Joanna (1990-06-17)
Doe, Jane (1974-12-12)
Doeksen, Ray (1966-11-07)
Donato, Raymondo (1978-06-23)
Donnelly, Iain (1965-09-01)
Donnelly, Robert Arthur (1973-04-01)
Dorey, Suzi (1978-09-20)
Dosdale, Holly (1987-07-26)
Doss, Ashley (1983-05-13)
Dovis, Jim (1983-05-04)
Dsilva, Mike (1989-09-09)
Du Four, Donna (1982-03-08)
Dumas, Warwick (1979-11-29)
Duncan, Paul (1975-11-03)
Dunne, Anna (1990-09-12)
Dunning, JJ (1982-08-03)
Dura, Junie (1993-09-29)
Durdin, Edward (1990-01-30)
Dyer, James (1995-10-24)
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DISPOSAL
Burn me and put my ashes in an old ice cream tub (a la The Big Lebowski). Then take me to the Lake District and scatter me on Loughrigg Fell, overlooking Rydal Water. I intend to keep the ashes of my cats when they die so I'd be grateful if they're scattered with me. (Unless the cats outlive me, then please make sure they go to a good home!) When you've sprinkled me and my beloved pets over the place I loved so much, sit down and have a butty and a brew. Laugh, chat, say goodbye then go to the pub.

COFFIN
Not fussy, it's only gonna get burned! I believe they make cardboard coffins - one of those will do.

RELIGION
Civil funeral for me please, in the Humanist style. NO CHURCH DO! Details of civil funerals are available on the wigan council website (www.wigan.gov.uk).

GUESTS
Anyone and everyone, let's go for a concert crowd!

MUSIC
When my coffin goes down, play "Honky Tonk Women" by the Stones. Can you imagine it? Everybody having a little cry and then Mick Jagger belts out that he, "Met a gin soaked bar room queen!" The crowd will go wild, lol. Slip "Falling", the theme from Twin Peaks in somewhere just to get everybody crying! And for a touch of irreverance, "Who Wants to Live Forever" by Queen!

READINGS
A bit of Shakespeare might be nice.

EPITAPH
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast...

OBITUARY
It's not up to me how people remember me!

OTHER
Please make sure I'm wearing my "Cats" T shirt when I'm in my coffin. I've had it since I was 11 so it seems right that I should wear it as we say our last farewell. I'd rather that people didn't turn up all miserable in black. Wear fancy dress for all I care! In fact, I'd love it if there was a pantomime horse clip-clopping about among the mourners. And make sure that there's a bloody good party with drinking, dancing and a top notch buffet after the funeral.